Refrigerator Falls and Kills Man Trying to Get Beer: A coroner's official reports that a Los Angeles man in his 60s died on New Year's Day as he was getting a beer from a refrigerator in his garage when the appliance fell over and killed him. Yet another example of the horrific dangers one faces when getting up off the couch.
Florida Woman Arrested For Assaulting Boyfriend Over Bad Oral Sex: Police in Florida arrested an "extremely intoxicated" woman after she allegedly badly beat her boyfriend over bad oral sex. The trail is scheduled to commence next week when the court will begin hearing oral arguments.
Arizona Man Shoots Own Penis: Police are urging holster use after a Chandler, Ariz. man shot himself in the penis while trying to secure his girlfriend’s pink handgun in the front waistband of his pants. Sounds like a powerful pairing of birth control and gun control.
Depardieu Moves to Belgium in Protest of High Taxes: French actor Gerard Depardieu has moved to Belgium in protest of France’s high tax rates on the country’s richest citizens. Which seems like a logical move when you consider the way Depardieu looks these days, its pretty unlikely he’ll be going on a hunger strike over the issue.
Dr Ruth Claims Members of Congress Aren’t Good Lovers: Sex therapist Dr Ruth says that members of Congress who can't compromise probably aren't good lovers because sex requires give and take. If that’s true, members of Congress had better get their “members” checked out.
Kim Kardashian Is Pregnant: Kim Kardashian has confirmed that she is pregnant with boyfriend Kanye West’s baby after he had announced it at a recent show. Which kind of begs the question, what do you get when you cross an egotistical bastard with a self-promoting, no-talent, publicity whore? Guess we'll find out in a few months.
Lady Gaga Offers Therapy To Fans At Her Upcoming Concerts: To address what she calls a crises in mental health, Lady Gaga announced that she will be offering free psychological counseling therapy to fans at her upcoming concerts. Great news! I know if I ever have psychological issues, the first thing I’m gonna do is seek out someone wearing a meat dress to help me.