UCLA Study Says Fat Genes Determine Obesity

A satirical look at current events!

UCLA Study Says Fat Genes Determine Obesity:  According to researchers at UCLA, while diet and exercise are still large factors in obesity, the degree to which one gains weight from a high-fat diet is largely determined by your genes.  So next time your lady asks “do these genes make me look fat,” tell her “yes and I have the studies to back it all up.” 

Counterfeit Exercise Equipment from China:  Los Angeles prosecutors report that a man has been sentenced to jail for bringing more than 2,000 counterfeit, Chinese-made Ab Circle Pro machines into the United States to sell.  City officials warn consumers that any pounds or inches lost using bogus equipment will not count.

Kanye & Kim Purchase $11M House:  Expectant parents Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have just purchased a 10,000-square-foot $11 million mega-mansion located in a gated community in Bel Air.  In response to critics, the couple says they’d love to tackle issues such as global warming and world hunger, but finding the perfect furnishings for a huge mansion, attending to a massive fleet of expensive cars as well as finding that perfect $3200 polo shirt leave very little time for those type of activities.


Antidepressants Help Treat Hot Flashes:  A new clinical trial shows that antidepressant medications appear to be an effective alternative for women whose lives are disrupted by frequent hot flashes.  Doctors say the beauty of it all is that even if the drugs don’t get rid of your hot flashes, at least you won’t be depressed about it. 

Florida Woman Drags Ex-Husband Behind Truck:  A 61-year-old Florida woman, with the aid of two friends, first shocked her ex-husband with a stun gun, tied him up, cut off a big lock of his hair and then dragged him half a mile behind a pickup truck before he was able to escape.  Its almost enough to make you think she was upset about something.

New Study on Aneurysm Risks:  New research suggests that if you have a brain aneurysm, drinking coffee, having sex or even getting angry may boost the risk of it rupturing.  So let me get this straight.  If I’m one of those people at risk for an aneurysm and my doctor insists I give up coffee and sex, I can’t even get angry about it?


Brazil Prostitutes Learn English To Prepare For Major Soccer Events:  Prostitutes in one of Brazil's biggest cities are beginning to sign up for free English classes being offered ahead of this year's Confederations Cup and the 2014 World Cup.  And its a good thing too, in light of the fact that no English speaking countries are offering free Portuguese classes for the johns.

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