Scientists Create Pineapple that Tastes Like a Coconut

A satirical look at current events!

Scientists Create Pineapple that Tastes Like a Coconut:  Scientists in Australia say they have created a pineapple that tastes like a coconut.  That was certainly money well spent.  My question is, if you’re searching for something that tastes like coconut, you might wanna check out a coconut. 

Los Angeles County Closes in on 10 Million Population:  New data indicate that the population of Los Angeles County is quickly approaching 10 million people.  Health officials expressed concern that if the population continues to grow at its current rate, there may one-day not be enough plastic surgeons to accommodate everyone.

Read Text Messages on Your Contact Lenses:  Researchers have created a liquid crystal display that can be embedded in contact lenses through which wearers could view images and text messages on them wirelessly.  Researchers say this kind of innovation could benefit just about everyone except psychotics who are already receiving the messages anyway. 

Apple to Produce Some Macs in the US:  Apple CEO Tim Cook says the company will soon once again begin to produce one of its existing lines of Mac computers in the United States in 2013.  We can only hope they don’t use Apple Maps to find their way back.


Pot Shot Over Boarder From Mexico With Cannon:  U.S. Border Patrol agents said they have seized 33 cans of marijuana in a field near the Arizona-Mexico border which were apparently launched through a cannon.  Those who witnessed it all described it like this - “and the rockets red glare, the BONGS bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that our buzz was still there!” 

Woman With Cocaine Breast Implants Arrested:  Spanish authorities say they have arrested a Panamanian woman arriving at Barcelona airport with 1.38 kilograms (3 pounds) of cocaine concealed in breast implants.  Apparently wearing a bra made of rolled-up $100 bills wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Man Shoots Concierge at Excalibur:  The LA Times reports that a man at Las Vegas’ Excalibur hotel shot the concierge and then turned the gun on himself.  Industry insiders say this should serve as fair warning to any concierge considering recommending the Olive Garden to diners. 

New Study Claims Volcanoes in India Killed Dinosaurs: According to a new theory, the dinosaurs where not done in by an asteroid, but by volcanic activity in an area that is now modern-day India.  Apparently the only things to survive the cataclysm were the call centers.


Colorado Governor Signs Marijuana Amendment:  Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper has signed an amendment that officially legalizes marijuana in the state.  Somehow, deep inside, we all knew that it would ultimately require someone with a name like Hickenlooper to finally declare pot legal.

Florida Woman Reports Her Driveway Stolen:  The Ocala, Florida Star-Banner reports that a north Florida woman came home to find her entire driveway missing.  Police were called to investigate, but were unable to find parking.

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